Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
