So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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