Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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