so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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