I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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