I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
