I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
