I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
