you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
