The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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