whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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