i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
