she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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