I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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