..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
