Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
