There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
