if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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