Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
