Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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