Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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