You smell like stripper and shame
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
