I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
