Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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