first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
