PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
