I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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