i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize