So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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