i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
