I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We got so high we made milksteak
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
