WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
