Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize