butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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