I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
