I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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