dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero