My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
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The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.