I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.