shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.