tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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