Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.