I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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