That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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