is your mom at the bar?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
