O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
