I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
