He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
