That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
