My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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