He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
