yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
