Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
