some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
