my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
