I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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