i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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