I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
