So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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