Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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