And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
