It's Friday. Sex?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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