Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
