I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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